Traffic Jam.......

 That is what grief feels like to me sometimes. Some days I'm just cruising down the highway, and then BAM I throw on the brakes! And everything in me comes to a screeching halt again. The traffic jam is inside of me and the other cars are my family, friends, work just life in general. They are all honking their horns at me so to speak they all need something and I don't mean that in a bad way it's just life. It gets in the way sometimes and sometimes inside I'm crumbling but the world keeps turning and everyone has needs. Believe me I was born to be a mother, a nurturer I need to be needed, but sometimes on those days I'm screaming out my car window "get the hell off my bumper I need some flippin space!!!!" I am also a processor and so is Brian and so are half of our children lol so this house when we all have stuff on our minds and we are trying to figure it all out is like a sorority house full of girls pmsing. So sometimes I throw my emergency brake on and I just sit and go to the corners of my mind that I wish didn't exist but they do and sometimes they have to be visited. And while everyone is flying by me on the highway flipping me off and cussing me out for stopping traffic I just have to retreat and they will have to get over it. And then slowly I take the brake off, slowly step on the gas and move to the slow lane for an hour, maybe a day, maybe two sometimes, and I start moving again and it feels good to become part of the spinning world with everyone else. But I am not a fool I know I will be causing many more traffic jams in my life, but some how, some way I will make it back to the fast lane with everyone else.